


Even When I Doubt You I'm No Good Without You

by cardel



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Civil War Fix-It, Gen, Pre-Slash, angst like woah, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 12:41:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6956854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cardel/pseuds/cardel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony’s face plate is gone, his repulsors are dead, his suit is useless.  Steve is a heavy, deadly weight on top of him.  Tony sees the moment Steve seems to realize this because he quickly stands up, grabs him underneath the arms and holds him up against the wall.  Tony starts struggling even though he knows it’s useless, his rage the only thing fueling his actions.</p><p>“Stop this Tony!” Steve shouts holding him up. Tony doesn’t listen</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even When I Doubt You I'm No Good Without You

**Author's Note:**

> This can be read as a nice, hopeful fix-it if **DO NO** T read when the dashes start, it is not necessary, it stands completed without the stuff after the dashes. However, if you’re a glutton for pain like me, after the dahses, is how I intended to conclude this. On that note read on

Tony’s face plate is gone, his repulsors are dead, his suit is useless. Steve is a heavy, deadly weight on top of him. Tony sees the moment Steve seems to realize this because he quickly stands up, grabs him underneath the arms and holds him up against the wall. Tony starts struggling even though he knows it’s useless, his rage the only thing fueling his actions.

“Stop this Tony!” Steve shouts holding him up. Tony doesn’t listen.

“Do you really want to do this? Do you really want to kill him? Do you really want to kill a man who was brainwashed and forced to do something he had no control over?” Steve asks, his voice desperate.

Tony doesn’t care, he doesn’t care because his mom’s killer is right there, right there and he can’t just, can’t just. It was his _mom_.

“Yes,” Tony shouts back, struggling to free himself from Steve’s hold.

“No you don’t. Listen to me,” Steve yells punctuating this by lifting Tony from the wall, giving him a sharp shake before he presses him back against the wall again. Tony snarls at him.

”I know you,” Steve continues. “Maybe at first you wouldn’t care but soon after, the guilt will set in, you’ll let it consume you until it’s all you can think about. You’ll realize he’ll be no different than Charles Spencer.” That name gives Tony pause, he stops struggling.

“The only difference will be that you _will_ be responsible for this death and it will destroy you,” Steve tells him, breath coming in quick tired gasps, arms shaking with the effort of holding up the dead weight of the suit.

Tony stops fighting. “No,” he whispers, “you don’t know that.” And even to his ears he sounds doubtful.

“I know because you’re my friend. You don’t want that Tony, you know you don’t and I don’t want that for you. You are a good man.”

At this Tony flinches and with one final burst of strength pushes Steve away, he knows he’s only successful because Steve let’s him. As soon as he’s free of Steve’s hold, Tony screams in frustration, in anger, he’s not even sure himself.

Unable to hold himself up due to the weight of the suit, Tony goes down on his hands and knees, head bowed shoulders shaking, breath choppy and harsh.

He vaguely, registers Steve kneeling in front of him, his mind centered on the repercussions of taking an innocent life. He avoids looking over at Barnes who has been lying motionless for a few minutes.

Tony knows this moment of clarity will be consumed by rage if he so much as spares a glance over at Barnes. He needs this clarity, clings to it as he clings to Steve’s words, because Steve is right.

Killing Barnes would not make him feel guilt in this moment, in fact it would feel right to end Barnes’ life the way he did his parents. It would feel right to avenge them, but Steve is right, Barnes wasn’t a willing participant, even though, even though on that footage.

“He killed my mom.” The words are spoken so softly and full of pain they barely make it past his lips.

“Oh, Tony.” The regret he hears in Steve's voice takes him by surprise.

“I should have told you, I had no right to keep this from you and despite what you might believe right now, there was another reason I didn’t,” Steve begins.

“Stop,” Tony cuts him off through gritted teeth.

“I didn’t tell you,” Steve barges on, “because I wanted to be there when you found out, I didn’t want you to be alone with your grief. I didn’t want you to feel what you’re feeling now without me there to help you through it.”

Tony scoffs, sits back on his folded legs. “Don’t say that to placate me,” Tony accuses and hates the plea in his voice that asks for Steve to not be lying.

“It’s the truth,” Steve insists.

“What’s more true, is that I was wrong to keep not only this but everything else from you. I was wrong to think that the team- that I, could work well apart. We don’t,” Steve admits with a shake of his head.

“I don’t deserve it but if you’re still willing I want to try to fix this. I want to give the Accords another shot. Together this time. I want to work with you, as the team we are. No more secrets, no more lies.”

Tony blinks at the floor before he lifts his head up and finally looks at Steve. He swallows hard, can he dare to believe what Steve is telling him. Can he trust Steve to mean what he is saying without alternative motives?

Looking into Steve’s unwavering gaze, Tony sees the truth. He takes a deep breath to center himself because the answer to whether trusting Steve is wise or not comes so quickly and without hesitation that he can’t help but hate himself a little at how easy he folds for Steve.

Perhaps it’s just that easy because he knows Steve means what he says, be it agreeing with Tony or not. At the moment, Steve’s word is better than written in stone.

From the beginning, Tony has seen the Accords as the bigger picture they pose and it seems, that Steve is finally willing to do so as well. And so, for now, for the good of all, he wills down the rage that still burns within him for Barnes, to take the olive branch Steve is offering. But he still has to be sure Steve means it.

“You can’t say that just because you’re feeling guilty, only to go and change your mind the second we disagree on something,” Tony says his voice becoming angry once again. Closing his eyes he takes a deep breath.

“I don’t know how you missed it,” he begins opening his eyes, “I’m not a fan of these Accords myself, but I took what we were given and I’ve been trying to make it work for us.” Everything he did was to keep the team safe, together and maybe, this time, with Steve they may yet achieve it.

Steve nods in agreement, “I see that now, the reason I didn’t or couldn’t before, was because we kept things from one other. I make better decisions when you trust me. When I trust you to tell me what I’m not seeing because the thing is, Tony, ***** I’m not half as good at- at anything as I am when I’m doing it next to you and that’s the truth.“

The hope and earnest in Steve’s eyes and voice makes all doubt fade away from Tony’s mind. He swallows around a lump in his throat.

“If you truly mean that then you’ll let me take the lead on this.” He sees Steve open his mouth to protest or to agree Tony’s not sure because he quickly adds, “you are a fugitive,” with a chocked off sob.  
Steve pauses, seems to be searching Tony’s face and finally after what feels like forever nods his head once.

“I can fix this, we can still fix this. I won’t keep anything from you, every word, comma, period that gets added or removed from the Accords you’ll know about, I promise.” Tony takes a deep breath

“But you have to promise me one thing, Steve,” he steels himself for what he’s about to ask.

“Anything.”

“At least for now, you have to keep Barnes away from me. I can’t- I don’t trust myself around him,” the words cost him so much to say but they need to said.

“Take him somewhere where you can promise me, promise me on your mother’s grave he won’t hurt any innocent people,” Tony demands his words harsh, in hopes to hide the desperation and fear behind them.

Tony braces for an argument and is instead surprised when Steve, unflinchingly agrees, “I can do that.”

Tony let’s out a relived breath and can’t help the shaky, humorless laugh that escapes him. “I’m so tired of us fighting,” he confesses.

“We’re not anymore,” Steve is quick to remind him. He leans forwards as if to hug him but stops mid motion and sits back on his calves. Tony wishes he hadn’t stopped.

“It’s not going to be easy, Steve, I need you to understand that,” Tony says his voice pleading.

“Hey,” Steve says, taking Tony’s face in his hand, tilting it up so that they’re looking eye to eye. “I know it won’t be easy, very few things ever are with us.” Tony can’t help but smile at that.

“I have faith in you, in us, the team,” Steve whispers.

The words make Tony feel a warmth blanketing his heart. For the first time since this started he feels like he can breathe again, like everything will actually be okay.

Steve pulls him into an embrace then, Tony sinks into it. And even through the unyielding hardness of the suit, he swears he can feel the warmth of Steve’s arms seeping all the way into his bones.

Steve trusts him, that’s all he’s ever asked for. They have so much to discuss but this is a beginning and as long as they’re together they can do anything.

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Tony pulls back from the cold embrace of the human sized dummy and takes a shaky breath. Reluctantly he opens his eyes to see the holograms fade away to be replaced by colorless lifeless objects.  
Standing up, he spares a rueful laugh and thought to himself, _You are pathetic._

“Shut it down FRIDAY,” he orders.

“Would you like to save this session, Boss?” Asks the disembodied voice of his AI.

“No,” he answers making his way out of the workshop.

“Understood, commencing Binaurally Augmented Retro Framing shut down. Session number 43, scenario 8 deleted.”

**Author's Note:**

>  ***** I took liberties with this line, I know it’s not Steve who originally says this. 
> 
> Note: I also took liberties with how BARF works. Tony wasn’t a physical participant in that BARF scene in the movie but he is here.  
> I’m so sorry if you read this far. One of these days I might be able to write a true fix-it or at least less angst perhaps.  
> Originally posted to [my tumblr](http://threwcautiontothewind.tumblr.com/post/144617097609/even-when-i-doubt-you-im-no-good-without-you)


End file.
